Where have I been?

Wow, I have really been slacking off on this blog – my apologies. But, I have to say that “slacking off” is in no way a global description of what I have been doing these past 4 weeks or so. I have in fact been getting my s*** together – let me explain. Sometime around New Years, I promised myself that I would rededicate myself to getting fit – this pretty much happens every year. And translation, what it actually means is I need to lose 5 or 10 lbs, which I usually succeed in doing. I also subsequently succeed at gaining back 5 or 10 lbs and … repeat cycle. I’m always super impatient and quite upset that after two weeks of working out I haven’t lost 5 lbs – goals lofty much? In general I’m pretty impatient, and I am even more so when it comes to losing weight. Anyway, back to the explanation…

About a month or so ago, I decided to get on my usual journey of weight loss – just before the summer. And the very same thing happened, I worked out like crazy for two weeks and nothing happened. So what did I do – complain to my boyfriend. Now, I will spare you and not tell you how many times this has happened. He is always kind and supportive, and always tells me the same thing – weight loss is slow and it may take months. For some odd reason, I actually listened to what he told me this time and ,in the process, changed my entire mindset about weight-loss and fitness. Ask him and he will tell you this never happens – hence my shock. So yeah, I’ve finally realized that fitness is truly a journey and a full time commitment and ,although I’m just starting, I’m loving it!

So, what does this all mean for my blog? Well I haven’t really figured that part out yet. I love sweets, especially when it takes the form of sugar and bread – yumm. As a kid I perfected many ways to sneak extra sugar into my food – sorry Mom. My best work was filling the bottom of my cereal bowl with sugar before I poured in the cereal – pretty sure no one ever knew. But I digress, I love to bake and I love to eat what I bake, but I do want my blog to represent how I’m living life. That means cutting back on the sweets and learning to appreciate foods that make me feel good and make my body feel even better. So that’s where I am. As always thanks for tagging along and stay tuned for some healthier creations :)

Fitness and my bad knee

Back in 2010 I trained for a half-marathon. Before that time I had no interest in running, but for some reason I woke up one day and decided to go for it. In the beginning it was horrible, and I hated every run, but something happened when I trained up to 5 mile runs. I really started to love it, I felt strong and confident in a way that I had never felt before. From that point on I loved training – something indescribable happens when you really start to push yourself physically. About 2 weeks before the race I could run 15 miles, you can’t imagine how great that felt. Well, if you’ve ever trained for a long distance run you probably  know exactly what I’m talking about. Unfortunately, over the next couple of weeks I developed  bad knee pain and wasn’t able to race. Needless to say I was really disappointed.

Two years later I ran Iron Girl and training re-aggravated whatever was going on with my knee two years earlier. When I realized my knee pain wasn’t going away I started physical therapy for  patellofemoral  syndrome. I’ve been doing it for about 9 months with little change, but I did see some improvement when I started taping my knee. Anyway, at this point I am really frustrated, and physical therapy is way to expensive for me to continue it. I love being active, and would workout most days of the week if I didn’t have so much knee pain. I remember what it was like to workout without pain, and it was soooo great. I don’t know if I will ever get back to that, but I have decided that completely accepting and celebrating myself also means I have to accept that my body is different than it was 5 years ago, but that doesn’t mean I can’t still be a fit person. I have let my knee pain get in the way of working out for a long time now, and between you and me, I’m over it. So I’m going to work on appreciating my body for what it can do instead of focusing on my limitations. I’ll let you know how that goes.

Returning to my former glory


On Thanksgiving in 2011 – post pig out – I decided that in 2012 I was going to run an Iron Girl Triathlon. Honestly I have no idea where the idea came from, I think I must have been feeling guilty from all the food I had just eaten. So anyway, over the next 9 months or so I dedicated myself to training. Let me just say, it was a lot of hard work and crazy expensive, but well more than worth it. I wish I was a great enough writer to explain to you how amazing the entire experience was – sadly I’m not – but lets just say I have never felt more amazing in my 27 years than I did on that day. Crossing the finish line was a rush, and a moment that will always remain vivid in my mind.

Before Iron Girl, I struggled with my weight –  though it might be more accurate to say that my real struggle has always revolved around me being way to hard on myself about the way I look. I wish I could say that becoming an Iron Girl cured me of my negative talk habit, but it didn’t. But what I did take away from the experience, is learning to love my body not just for the way it looks, but – more importantly –  for the things it can do. Ironically, on that day I was definitely not at my preferred weight, but I never felt more comfortable in my own skin or more proud of my body. Everyday it becomes more evident how much life is dominated by perception. But I digress – rambling is my speciality.

So I decided to share this experience for one because it was one of , if not the most profound experience of my life, but also because it’s relevant to my immediate hopes for the future. Earlier today I went to the gym, for the first time in months. A combination of legitimate reasons and excuses have made it difficult for me to make fitness a priority in my life. So in the spirit of New Years, I am being extremely cliche and making a new commitment to fitness. But, arguably that’s the easy part because returning to my former glory is more than me getting into shape. I’m also making a new commitment to loving, accepting, and celebrating my body no matter where I exist on my weight continuum. Wish me luck!